Why I stopped reading after reading nearly 1000s of books
I spent a great deal of last day and a half, exploring the top writers and publications of Medium. While it is barely any time to taste the humungous buffet that is Medium, it very quickly brought back memories of a period of very deep study and introspection that I’d had gone through some years back.
Yes, I did read all those books. Over maybe a period of 4–5 years. I dove deep into everything from philosophy to past life regression. From Tony Robbins, to Tim Ferris. From Austrian Economics to books on Poker. Supplemented by a good dose of biographies, and lots of popular non-fictional books. Hell, I even threw in a couple of military history books for some grit and grime!
Why? Because like most people, I was trying to sort out my life. Seeking to understand it better to live it fully. Wanting to arm myself with as much knowledge in trying to grow as much as I possibly could in life. And what better way to do it than to stand on the shoulders of giants, right?
But after a while the incremental return I was getting from every new book started to taper off.
From being someone who would finish every book he started, I started leaving books just a couple of chapters into the book once I could see that the author was merely rehashing ideas which had been developed much better by whichever were the classics in the field.
After a while Einstein’s Quote started ringing true in my experience…
Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.
But after a while the incremental return I was getting from every book started to taper off.
What Changed?
I realised I’d gleamed as much as I could from minds and lives of accomplished and driven people who’d gone before me. That I was getting lost in their heads, and losing connection with my head, my own inner guide. The more I read the more I realised that I was getting a head full of so many disparate thoughts. Unconnected thoughts. Stuff that made sense in little chunks. Small bites. But as a whole leading to a lot of spits within me. Most of all it wasn’t fulfilling me.
I was learning of more and more thoughts. Becoming a jumble of so many different ideas. But there was no ‘me’ in them. Instead ‘me’ was getting lost in the flood of a lot of ‘them’.
I was losing touch with a sense of ‘me’. Not the kind of sense which can be put into words. No Sir. I’m talking the kind of sense where you feel a complete whole. A wordless connection and perceptible feeling of myself. Of my deepest self. My own unique energy.
So I stopped reading books.
It’s become a part of my life now. And if you ever knew me before, you’d know what a huge change that is from the absolute bookworm I used to be.
Instead I started doing other things.
Like talking more to people. Trying to read the books of their lives. Talking to understand. Not to judge. (That’s another matter that that evolved into having over a thousand conversations with complete strangers over the period of 2 years….more on that another day).
I started meditating. Going to meditation retreats shutting myself off from the world for periods ranging from 4 to 10 days.
I started studying life. Studying myself. Armed with the basic ideas most people talked of in the books, applying them to a moment to moment level in one’s life proved far more rewarding. I gave a far deeper fulfilment and growth than I was getting out of reading any more books.
So?
My forays through most of the self help/personal growth/happiness/etc articles here, just brought those memories alive. Most advice being shared by people is a rehash of the basic ideas of “make goals, be disciplined, use these hacks, have an awesome life”. Of which there’s nothing wrong. That advice is precious. Needs to be said. But far more important is living each and every moment with a deep connectedness to oneself and awareness of the moment. For that is where we slip. That’s where more attention is needed. On what’s making us slip. And why.
I said most articles feel like the rehash of the basics. Thankfully, not all.
Some of the writing has been worth reading slow. And rereading. And it’s usually been where the writer instead of giving a list of what to do, is being honest about their struggles and what worked for them and what didn’t. Where they slipped. When they nearly slipped but caught themselves. And when did they did slip, and how they got up again. Where it’s as much about the strategy, as it is about the person and their journey. About their humanity. Their story. Their heart.
To be clear I’m not deriding the value that I got out of reading those 1000s of books. I gained a great deal. The knowledge, yes. The ideas, yes. The ability to strategise, yes.
But more than that I gained these eyes which are able to perceive differently than before. Which could stop worrying that maybe I’m missing some big ideas which can change my life, and instead looking at where life truly happens. In…this…very…moment!
What I think that Einstein quote above is trying to say is that after one’s refined their own vision, one must also use that vision to see. To see farther than has been seen already. Afresh. Adding to the sum total of human life and experience by refining and using one’s own unique talents. By creating enough space for those talents to thrive and develop.
Ultimately, it’s about our limited time here on this planet and what we do with it. About playing. About sharing. About living with a deep unshakeable contentment.
And About Learning, for sure. But learning must lead to becoming so in sync with the basics of life that it makes the very fact of living an existential joy, every second of the day.
That takes practice. That takes staying with a few basics ideas for a long enough duration, without break, to be able to imbibe them so deep that living them becomes effortless.
So that’s what I’m interested in. How my fellow travellers are faring in their journeys of life mastery. Of how we’re making sense of this existence of ours. The ideas we all more or less know. But how are we using them in playing our roles while the stage is ours.
And that’s what you’re going to find in these pages to come as well.
And if you’re someone who’d like to connect like that…
Welcome onboard! I was looking for you!
